AM I A VOYEUR? BEHIND THE SCENES OF MY BLOG

UNRELATED ANNOUNCEMENT: See article 7 Easy, Delicious Aphrodisiac Recipes.

A variety of search terms leads Googlers to my blog, some weirder than others. My voyeuristic pleasure from reading a daily list of these terms is infused with a measure of guilt.

Generally, we Google in the privacy of a bubble that envelops only ourselves and our computer screens. No one, except a snoopy or untrusting lover or someone sitting next to you on the Acela, is likely to see what you look up.

Even when I read a search term that is not kinky, like the recent “bungee in chicken suit,” I feel like I’m invading someone’s personal zone. Did the searcher get to the part of my post “Photophobia” that meandered to all that can go wrong when you bungee jump?

In the history of Google, I wondered whether anyone else had ever put those four words together. A search yielded 28,100 results, including a 7-minute youtube video of a fellow named Tom, bungee jumping in, duh, a chicken suit.

Sometimes there’s a pattern. For instance, ever since I posted “The SNL Hug, What Up With That?” Sundays arrive with variations of “what’s with the weird snl hug?”

I thought I was original to come up with a post wondering how does an atheist pray. Yet searches turn up all the time, phrases like “atheist misses praying,” “can an atheist pray,” and “prayer is totally useless.”

The search “jewish dog names” proved I’m not the only one who had something to say about that. Actually it was my father who gave Casey the Jewish name, Chaim. I added Goodman for when he is good. (This week, though, he is Bad Branman after eating nearly a whole box of shredded wheat with bran.)

In one post, I referred to a picture taped beside my teen bed of Ricky Nelson in a cowboy suit with a bulge in his crotch. So I’ve gotten a lot of “bulge” hits. “Greg Kinnear bulge” was the first one; I thought it meant he’d gained weight. Other bulge-searchers have sought “cowboy bulge,” “daddy suits men crotch bulge,”and indeed “ricky nelson bulge.” Who are these people?

Confessions of a Lowbrow brought visitors looking for “lowbrow poetry” and “monica lewinsky confession,” since I had written that I understood how a young girl would hold onto a blue dress with the President’s cum stain.

And on Valentine’s Day it was only natural to have someone search “please do not touch stroke lick or mount.”

Here are some likelier terms that linked Googlers to Confessions of a Worrywart:

• my boyfriend is a worrywart
• mom worries annoying
• tips on how to be an “old man”
• patient with guilt
• what is a worry wart
• angst versus happiness
• activate the brain before talking
• invention to get bedbugs
• overwhelming to do list
• worrying about other people’s worries
• mr worry wart pic

What are some of your best search stories and/or search tips?