Rather than calling them conversations with my dog, I might more accurately label them monoversations or nonversations.
Sometimes they include laying out my plans for the upcoming hour as in “Come to the office, Boo Boo; Mommy’s gonna work.”
Upon hearing me say, Boo Boo or any of my names for him, his ears flap forward. The rest of him remains motionless.
He knows I will then say, “Come on, come to the office!”
And still he remains still.
Then I say, “Come for a treat!” and the only thing he’ll do is raise his eyebrows over his black marble eyes that are pasted to me at all times.
This is part of the game where I say, “No? Okay (in a tone of you’ll be sorry).” Then, a second after I turn my back, he ambles toward me and I toss him a treat.
“Good language, good language,” I tell him.
He roots around all over the place to find the treat, with his tail wagging as furiously as windshield wipers in a downpour. Then, the second he finds it his tail drops. To boost his self-esteem, I tell him. “Good game, good game!”
My praise always seems to come out in pairs, as in “Good no bark, good no bark” on those rare days he comes down to the kitchen, spinning in circles in anticipation of breakfast, without barking.
(Scatological alert coming up) So today I was walking Casey and, as I often do, I plugged in my earphones and made a phone call. My call went into the voice mail of the leasing agent I was phoning on behalf of my daughter.
After I left my message, I bent over to clean up after Casey and, as I have done twice a day for the past 12 years, I told him, “Good poop, good poop.”
For no apparent reason, I kept at it, “My Poopie is such a good pooper, yes he is” and I continued rambling on with this kind of thing you would say only in front of your dog.
Then, with my earpiece still in my ears, I looked down at my phone and noticed I hadn’t ended my voice message.
So far I haven’t heard back from the leasing agent.
What are some monversations you have with your pets?
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