What makes for a successful marriage? What can be done about marital problems?
Victoria is 58 years old and a retired history professor living in Chicago:
The biggest challenge I faced in my marriage was when my husband had an affair. But I was sure it was a one-time thing, that it was a mid-life crisis and that it would never happen again. He assured me that I was totally right on all counts. I wanted to stay married, I really loved my husband, wanted my children to grow up with their father, so we stayed together. There was never another moment that I worried that my husband was looking at another woman and I always felt totally secure in our marriage after that. Clearly, I made the right decision, learning you can forgive, even if you can’t forget. But you can forgive only once!
In our early years, when we would argue, it took me a while to realize that my husband’s tactic was “the best defense is a good offense.” He would turn our arguments around and complain about something I had done, totally unrelated to what we were arguing about (which was usually something he had done). When I finally realized what he was doing, I would immediately stop him cold and remind him what the subject of our argument was. You have to learn to argue constructively. Best not to go to bed angry. If you do, try to get over it by the next day. Grudges are really bad.
Best things to do to keep a spouse happy – keep the sex lively!
Tune in again for more recipes for a successful marriage.
note: identities have been disguised to protect the innocent as well as the guilty.
What tips do you have for healthy relationships?
LOTS ABOUT MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIPS IN MY NEW MEMOIR . . .
The perfect Valentine’s Day gift for worrywarts or anyone who would enjoy a “neurotic, hilarious, poignant” deeply personal story.
“Susan Orlins is America’s funniest neurotic since Woody Allen. Just be careful you don’t crack a rib reading Confessions of a Worrywart.”
–PATRICIA VOLK, author of Stuffed
5.0 out of 5 stars Funny, poignant, beautifully written January 21, 2013