My Ideal Seatmate


This is what my ideal seatmate looks like

Ever since reading about Dutch Airline KLM’s new Meet and Seat program that allows passengers to choose seatmates, using Facebook and LinkedIn profiles, I’ve been contemplating who my ideal seatmate should be. For a worrywart this whole idea is a great thing.

Ideal seatmate number one:

  • You do not have a cold or other communicative airborne diseases.
  • You have not been in communication with someone who has a cold or other communicative airborne diseases.
  • You do not wear perfume.
  • You do not want to talk.
  • You are narrow in girth.
  • You will not hog the whole armrest.
  • You are willing to go halvies on two of the meal choices so we can each halve our risk of a 100% bad choice.
  • You will let me stuff my excess carryon, such as my food bag, under the seat in front of you for takeoff and landing.
  • You will not sneak sideways looks at what I am writing on my laptop.
  • You do not snore.
  • You do not want to talk.

Ideal seatmate number two:

  • You are a New Yorker editor.
  • You want to talk about my writing.
  • You have been looking for a writer just like me to contribute to the magazine.
  • You don’t have a cold.

Ideal seatmate number three:

  • You are an unattached heterosexual single man around my age.
  • You are really smart and have a good sense of humor.
  • You like dogs and don’t mind dog hair.
  • You find me attractive and I find you attractive.
  • You tolerate individuals who watch “Survivor” and “The Bachelor.”
  • It would be nice if you have a beach house, but you don’t need to be very rich.
  • You don’t have a cold.

The best seatmate of all:

  • I will not find you on LinkedIn or Facebook, because the best seatmate of all is no seatmate at all. I would trade a business class seat and all the airplane food on the planet for lateral space in economy so I could spread out all my stuff.
  • Second best, though, might be someone with whom to share the cost of the middle seat, in the event I run into a fortune.

What do you look for in a seatmate?

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